Biblical Decision-making In the Era of Information overload

In today’s world, we have no shortage of information. With internet access, and new information being made available every day, it can make decisions as a mother feel overwhelming. It doesn’t help that everyone has an opinion and is often happy to share it, and many of those opinions conflict with each other. Now, that isn’t to say that we should not heed advice, or seek wisdom from others that are going before us. However, there comes a point when you have to make a decision and act on those decisions knowing that the responsibility is yours…not Susie Q’s on the internet.

From the moment that newborn baby is placed into our arms, we are bombarded with questions and decisions. Are you going to vaccinate? How quickly do you want to cut the cord? Are you going to have skin to skin time? As our babies grow the questions continue. Will you nurse on demand, or try to set a schedule? Should you sleep train your baby, or just tough it out? What solid foods should I start with first? How do you teach a toddler about God? What sort of training methods work best on young children? What do I do about the screaming…or the whining?

The questions and decisions seem bigger the first time we are going through it, and it can shake our peace. I know I have experienced many moments of self-doubt, confusion, indecisiveness, and even fear, and my oldest is not even two at the time of writing this post. As I have wrestled with these questions, and matured (at least slightly, hopefully), I have come to the conclusion that it is up to my husband and I to make the decision that we see as best in any given situation, and to take responsibility for that decision. I have also found peace in the truth that we are flawed people who do not have complete understanding, and thus we will make wrong or imperfect decisions. In those moments, we have the freedom to accept new information and change course, and we can have grace for ourselves knowing that our heavenly Father is ultimately the One in control.

As I contemplated this subject and considered what advice I would give someone expecting their first as someone who has just recently begun the same journey, I decided to share a series of steps for the decision-making process. As you encounter the questions of motherhood, I believe using the following steps in order is a biblical way to discern what is best for your family. I hope that this is an encouragement to you as you wrestle with the questions of motherhood in an imperfect world. 

Step 1: Pray about it 

Many of you may roll your eyes here because you’ve been told this before. However, I am not being cliche. The Bible makes it clear that the Lord hears our prayers, and wants us to come to Him with our problems, our needs, and our questions. In reality, He is the only one with all the answers, and we are told that He is ready to give wisdom to those who ask for it. 

If we go to the Lord with a genuine heart seeking to know His will and seeking to have His guidance in our decisions, He promises to give us that guidance. That is, sincerely, a powerful truth. One that I know I take for granted. The Holy God of the universe has promised to preserve and guide us. I must then ask myself, why is prayer so often my last resort? Why is my heart not ready to go to Him first? 

So, when you encounter a question that troubles you, take it to God first. Pray for Him to give you wisdom in the situation, and ask Him to guide you in your decisions. Pray for Him to soften your heart to be ready and willing to follow His will. Pray with faith believing that your loving Heavenly Father does hear you and wants to give you wisdom. 

Step 2: Search the Scriptures

God’s word is timeless, and we are reminded over and over in the Bible that wisdom can be found in His word. This does not mean that every very specific question we ask has a plainly written out answer, but there are principles and truths that will help you discern how to approach just about any question you are struggling with in life. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 tells us that, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” What does this mean? The Bible is the inspired word of God. He directed those He chose to write the very words that He intended so that we could read the Bible with the confidence that it comes from Him. This verse explains that He gave us the Bible to guide our beliefs (our doctrines), to correct us from wrong doing (provide reproof and correction), and to give us instruction for how to live righteously. We can trust that His word is filled with truth and wisdom.

The psalmist in Psalm 119 gives illustrative reminders of how timeless and powerful God’s word is, and this serves as a great reminder that we ought to value the Scriptures in the same way. He reminds us that we ought to be seeking wisdom and truth from the word of God first rather than from the world. Psalm 119:9-11 “How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. With my whole heart I have sought You; Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!” Psalm 119:24 “Your testimonies also are my delight and my counselors.” Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Having the correct view of the word of God, helps us to remember to turn there and to find value in going to it with our questions and troubles. 

Step 3: Talk with your husband 

I feel like this kind of goes without saying, but this is crucial in parenting, and still so often it is neglected. You and your husband are a team, and you must be in communication regarding your values, your decisions, and your practices. Being on the same page and making decisions together is necessary. Not only does it provide relief from relational tensions, but as the saying goes, “two heads are better than one.” You will make much better decisions when you are working together than if you are trying to figure things out individually. 

God’s word aids us in understanding how to structure our homes by instructing husbands to be the leaders in their homes, and instructing wives to support them and honor them in this role. Ephesians 5 teaches on this saying in verses 22-23, “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” It elaborates on the husband’s role in verses 25-26, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.” This design is not meant to be a curse, or to incite a power struggle, but rather the opposite. It is meant to be a blessing, and to provide clarity and structure within which a family can thrive. As the rest of Ephesians chapter 5 goes on to explain, marriage functioning this way is also a beautiful picture of Christ and the church. 

You can think of this in comparison with a sports team. While this is not a perfect illustration, it helps to paint a picture of the purpose God intended for leadership within the home. The husband carries the role of head coach, the ultimate decision maker and authority to which the sports team responds. The wife has the role of assistant coach, holding authority over the team, and aiding the head coach as he makes decisions for and leads the team. They approach the team as a leadership unit. The insight the assistant coach gives to the head coach helps guide and determine the direction of the team just as much as the instruction from the head coach, but there is clarity within their roles. A sports team will experience confusion and disconnect if there is a constant power struggle amongst their leadership. As will children within a home if the same is found there. 

There is a leadership structure in just about any other societal organization–sports, work, school, government…you name it. A healthy leadership structure is often described as being necessary in these areas for bringing clarity, functionality, peace, growth, and success. We embrace and honor these hierarchies of leadership in these other areas of life for those reasons. Why would we disdain such a thing in our homes?

Thus, as you begin the journey of parenthood and face these questions together, communicate with each other and work together with your respective God-given roles in mind. You will gain greater respect, appreciation, and love for each other by joining together in this way, and following God’s design. When a husband approaches decisions and questions as a leader with love for his wife and consideration for her insights and desires, and a wife approaches the same with a respect for her husband and an appreciation for and acceptance of his leadership, the decisions will be made with much more peace and clarity than if you both took an individualized self-centered approach to parenting. 

You won’t do this perfectly every time. It is important, in these moments, to keep the lines of communication open so that you are maintaining your position as partners and teammates. Sometimes in marriage you grow frustrated in your role or with your spouse’s fulfillment of their role, and as leaders over your children you must quickly address and resolve these issues to prioritize and maintain peace and clear leadership within the home. It can also be easy to assume you know what the other person thinks or believes and to neglect asking their opinions–especially on smaller issues. Those are moments when it is important to have grace for each other, and to be able to come together, communicate, and regroup. Thirdly, there are times that even after extensive conversation and discussion, you may still disagree on a course of action even though both of you have the best intentions for your family and desire to honor God. Approaching questions with good intentions and a commitment to our heavenly father does not mean you will always agree on everything. These are moments when the wife is challenged to put into hard practice the biblical concept of submission, and to allow her husband to take the responsibility for leading the family as God intended for him to. Similarly, the husband is challenged to recognize and accept the gravity of his role as the leader of his family.

Step 4: Seek Biblical Counsel

The Proverbs are filled with verses conveying the truth that it is wise to consider the advice of others, and it is foolish to stubbornly reject counsel that is given in good faith. As the above verse points out, Biblical counsel provides safety. Without counsel, people fall. A person who tries to forge their own path through life and rejects advice will experience much failure along the way. 

Heeding the instruction of the Proverbs means that we will surround ourselves with people who will speak biblical truth and encouragement to us. We can trust that if we ask them questions, they will do their best to give us guidance and suggestions that align with God’s word. God often uses those around us to give direction and guidance that helps us make good decisions. It is good practice to bring our questions to those in our lives that will give us solid, biblical advice. Thinking that we can know all the right answers on our own is foolish, but listening to advice helps us to make wiser decisions. Proverbs 12:15 “The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, But he who heeds counsel is wise.”  

If you do not have a church family from which you can seek this sort of counsel, I would implore you to make it a priority to change that. Hebrews 10:24-25 states, “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” Having fellowship with like-minded believers where you assemble, exhort each other, and encourage one another on to good works is so important for maturity in the life of a Christian. 

Step 5: Research 

In an age of internet access and an abundance of information, this is often the first step people take when faced with a parenting question. However, there is a reason I have it listed as the last step in biblical decision making. So much of “research” has been or can be manipulated to reflect worldly values or to even promote something unbiblical. It can be so confusing to fish through the abundance of research and information on various topics, some of which comes in conflict with other studies. Though we don’t like to think so, science is still limited in its understanding of God’s creation because science is pursued and studied by limited and flawed humans. 

Researching information that is out there on certain topics can, however, be very helpful as you try to make decisions regarding what is best for your children. Thus, it is important to approach this step with discernment. The previous 4 steps will help to prepare your heart to enter this step with discernment and peace rather than anxiety and vacillation. 

Don’t shy away from research out of fear and confusion. However, don’t obsessively pursue research with fear and vacillation either. Neither extreme will help you make balanced, biblical decisions. Use the internet as the tool and resource that it is to aid you in considering information, but definitely don’t use it to guide or direct your life. That is the role of the word of God. 

Exercise discernment

As in every area of life, we must have discernment in our parenting. As first time parents, much of this can feel overwhelming and confusing. You might enter motherhood feeling like you’ve got a pretty good handle on it, and then with various life stages you get thrown for a loop. Whatever the circumstance, let the peace of God rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:15-16 “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” 

In your motherhood, pursue Christ-likeness. In your parenting, pursue consistency. When a question pops up that troubles you, and you want to find answers and direction, check yourself. Consider the question: is my motivation for caring about this thing (behavior, education, milestone, health trend) coming from a desire to help my child grow in the Lord, or is it coming from a place of insecurity, pride, or frustration? Then, pray without ceasing for the Lord to grow you and your children in faith and godliness.